What EMDR actually feels like, phase by phase

If you’ve read that EMDR is “an eight-phase protocol involving bilateral stimulation“, you know precisely nothing about what it’s like to sit in the chair. So let’s do this differently: here’s what EMDR actually feels like from the inside, phase by phase, because reducing the unknown is half of what makes trauma therapy possible.

Phases 1 and 2: talking, but not about that (yet). The first sessions feel like ordinary therapy, deliberately. Your psychologist asks about your life, what’s bringing you in, what supports you have, and what you’ve already tried. Notice what they don’t ask for: a detailed account of your trauma. A headline is enough: “there was an accident”, “my ex”, “school”. Then comes preparation, which feels a bit like training before a hike. You’ll build grounding skills, ways to settle your body that actually work for you, and practise a “calm place” you can return to. You’ll agree on a stop signal. For some people this phase takes one session; for people with long or complicated trauma histories it can take many, and that’s not falling behind. It’s the work.

Phase 3: mapping the target. This is the strangest phase to describe and often the shortest. You pick a memory to work on, then answer a series of precise questions: What image represents the worst moment? What negative belief goes with it: “I’m powerless”, “It was my fault”, “I’m not safe”? What would you rather believe? Where do you feel it in your body? You rate the distress from 0 to 10. It feels clinical, almost like coordinates being entered, and that’s the point. You’re building a map, not telling a story.

Phase 4: the part everyone asks about. Desensitisation. You hold the memory lightly in mind, image and belief and body feeling, and follow the bilateral stimulation: your psychologist’s fingers moving side to side, or gentle alternating taps, or pulsers buzzing softly left-right in your hands. Sets last maybe half a minute. Then: “Take a breath. What do you notice?” You say whatever’s there: an image shifted, a feeling moved from chest to throat, a random memory surfaced, nothing at all. All are fine. “Notice that,” your psychologist says, and you go again. What surprises most people is how undirected it feels. Your mind moves on its own, sideways into other memories, forward into new thoughts, sometimes into unexpected feelings like anger where there was only fear. Distress can rise before it falls. That’s expected and planned for; you’re checked in with constantly, and your stop signal is always live.

Phases 5 and 6: something settles. When the memory’s distress rating drops low, the positive belief you chose earlier gets “installed”, held in mind with the memory through more sets. This often feels quietly remarkable: a sentence that seemed like wishful thinking an hour ago (“I survived; it’s over”) now just feels… true. Then a body scan: noticing whether tension remains anywhere, and processing it if so.

Phases 7 and 8: landing, and checking the landing held. Every session ends with closure: grounding, orientation, making sure you’re back in the present before you walk out or close the laptop, whether or not the memory finished processing. Expect some after-effects for a few days: tiredness, vivid dreams, feelings or memories continuing to surface. That’s processing continuing, and your psychologist will have prepared you for it. The next session opens with re-evaluation: does the memory still rate low? What shifted during the week? What’s next?

Two honest caveats. First, this describes a well-paced course of EMDR for someone ready for reprocessing. If you have complex trauma or dissociate, the preparation phases stretch longer, deliberately (we’ve written about why on our EMDR page). Second, everyone’s processing looks different; there is no “doing it right”, and no outcome can be promised in advance.

At The Liminal Clinic we offer EMDR in Prahran and via telehealth, adapted for neurodivergent adults and paced around you: your stimulation preferences, your communication style, your stop signal. If you’re wondering whether it might fit, get in touch and we’ll talk it through, no detailed retelling required.

This post is general information, not individual advice. If you’re in crisis, call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or 000.